Another translation that I attempted a few days ago was especially interesting because the original is a ghazal, and I tried to preserve the ghazal metre (beher) and rhyme scheme (which goes AA, BA, CA… and so on) in my translation. Would be interesting to know what you think of the result 🙂
Ghazal By Ishrat Aafreen
(From We Sinful Women)
Bhook ki karvahat se sard kasile honth
Khoon ugalte sookhe chatkhe pile honth
Tooti choori, thandi larki, baghi umr
Sabz badan pathrai ankhen nile honth
Soona angan tanha aurat lambi umr
Khali ankhen bhiga anchal gile honth
Kachche lafzon ka ye nila zehr
Chhoo jae to moorakh too bhi chhile honth
Zehr hi mangen amrat ras ko munh na lagaen
Baghi ziddi vehshi aur hatile honth
Aisi banjar baten aise karve bol
Aise sundar komal surkh rasile honth
Itna bologi to kya samjhenge log
Rasm yahan ki ye hai larki si le honth
My Translation
made cold by bitterness of hunger, taut lips
chapped, dry, spewing blood, yellow lips
Broken bangles, cold girl, rebellious age
raw bodies, stone eyes, blue lips
forlorn courtyard, lonely woman, stretched life
empty eyes, drenched bosom, wet lips
blue vitriol of unformed, accusing words
if they only touch, you fool, they abrase lips
they demand venom, never even tasting the elixir
rebellious, stubborn, obsessive, adamant lips
such parched exchanges, such bitter words
from such pretty, supple, red, juicy lips
what will people think if you talk so much
tradition here is that girls stitch their lips
The Ghazal in Devnagri script…
भूख की कड़वाहट से सर्द कसीले होंठ
खून उगलते, सूखे, चटखे, पीले होंठ
टूटी चूड़ी, ठंडी लड़की, बागी उम्र
सब्ज़ बदन, पथराई आँखें, नीले होंठ
सूना आँगन, तनहा औरत, लंबी उम्र
ख़ाली आँखें, भीगा आँचल, गीले होंठ
कच्चे लफ़्ज़ों का ये नीला ज़हर
छू जाए तो मूरख तो भी छीले होंठ
ज़हर ही मांगें अमृत रस को मुंह न लगाएं
बागी, जिद्दी, वेहशी और हठीले होंठ
ऐसी बंजर बातें ऐसे कड़वे बोल
ऐसे सुन्दर, कोमल, सुर्ख, रसीले होंठ
इतना बोलोगी तो क्या समझेंगे लोग
रसम यहाँ की ये है लड़की सी ले होंठ
Good work…..great effort…..
dats really nice work 🙂
Loved the translation.. what I liked more about your interpretation is that you so very well preserved the Ghazal’s originality .. otherwise often I see translations in which the originality of the core subject is missing.
Keep translating.
Thanks Sadhogopal 🙂
Ghazala…You Are BAD…You Keep me Up, today, all the day and night reading your blog…I must say, You got an Awesome collection of Poetry with you…should I ask for your permission, to give you a shout, to borrow one or two of your posts??
And Yeah, I must appreciate your Translations and Transliteration skills…
Kudos To You!!!
Just To Quote a Couple of Rare Ones From Your Blog –
1. Faiz`s – Hum Dekhenge
2. Again Faizs` – Kuttey
and the List is On And On And On!!!
Translating Ghazal,
“……Itna bologi to kya samjhenge log
Rasm yahan ki ye hai larki si le honth.”,
And
Your – Daughters And Feminist Mothers..
Link -> [..https://ghazala.wordpress.com/2009/03/06/daughters-and-feminist-mothers/..]
I could relate to these two of your posts, quite well, on Feminism
Time To Snooze Now..Gonna be Late to Office 😉
wow! what a beginning of the day!!! Thanks so much Asim. and please give me a shout whenever you wish to and do tell me what you need to borrow. Come back for more.
Dear Ghazala,
I have been reading and enjoying your blog for its beautiful poetry for a very long time and felt too shy to leave a comment!! Ive even added the link to the gmail reader so I know every time you update the site 🙂
I so love your transliteration and translation that I was wondering if you would want to help some of us with the same for some urdu poetry. its a very exciting project and if you are keen, please do get in touch with me.
Even if you don’t want to get involved in the project, I hope we keep in touch.
warmest
sabah
so sorry sabah! i don’t know how i missed replying to your comment! callous!!
I’d be interested in the project (if its not already over
🙂 please send me the details… or just drop a line saying you’ve forgiven me! 🙂 at ghazalajamil@gmail.com
Never enjoyed a translated version more.
Never enjoyed Urdu poetry because of my limited comprehension of the language, but a good translation always makes me realize what I am missing in life.
cheers!
thanks, Sunil for the encouraging remarks!
Thanks
0 Pingbacks
Top Posts
Blogroll
Indiae
Indiae.in
Blog Stats
Meta
Recent Comments
Archives